“Hello, police? I wish to report an instance of animal cruelty. I haven’t been fed in at least ten minutes!”

You can contact Saint Dougal’s via the interwebs at

We could put a contact form right here, but it would mainly be used for spam, and that has nothing to interest the Moggies: they all get desexed as soon as possible, so Viagra and scam romances are useless to them; their paws are tiny, so fake Rolex watches mean nothing; and they’re not dumb as a box of hammers, so cryptocurrency holds no attraction.

If you want to contact us specifically to ask how you can help with the Home’s good work, have a look at our donations page.